Supporting Teens Through Grief and Loss

For most people, family is central. Most of us turn to family when life gets too challenging to manage alone. However, as we all know, familial relationships sometimes get pretty rocky.

To successfully navigate these relationships, we must understand the unwritten rules that dictate how interactions play out in our specific family. For example, in some families, emotions are expressed openly and honestly. In others, they may be bottled up, more often coming out in unhealthy ways, such as sudden intense anger.

A family’s set of implied customs and practices are known as family dynamics. These dynamics can be hard to navigate effectively under average circumstances. But when a teen struggling with mental health issues is added to the family mix, they often become significantly more difficult.

Recognizing the signs of grief in teens

It’s crucial for parents and caregivers to recognize signs that a teen is struggling with grief, even in cases where the teen isn’t openly sharing their thoughts and feelings. Here are some common indicators:

Social withdrawal

One of the most noticeable signs of grief in teens is a sudden withdrawal from social activities. They might avoid get-togethers, stop texting or calling friends, and prefer to spend time alone. While isolation can sometimes help teens cope with intense emotions, it can be a sign that they need support.

Anger or irritability

In adolescents, grief can manifest as anger or irritability. For example, a teen might lash out over seemingly small matters or always seem on edge. Such incidents often stem from the pain they’re feeling but don’t know how to express.

Changes in appetite or sleep patterns

Grieving teens might experience changes in eating or sleeping habits. They may lose their appetite or overeat. Similarly, they might have trouble falling asleep, wake up frequently during the night, or sleep much more than usual. Such changes are their body’s responses to the emotional turmoil they’re going through.

Decreased interest in hobbies

A grieving teen might become so overwhelmed by sadness that hobbies that once brought immense joy feel meaningless to them. Such withdrawal from previously loved activities can be a red flag that they are inadequately dealing with intense emotions.

Difficulty concentrating

Grieving teenagers often find it hard to concentrate on schoolwork and other tasks. Their minds may be consumed with thoughts about their loss, making it hard to focus on anything else. This inability to focus can make completing homework or chores, talking with friends, or even remembering simple things feel like insurmountable challenges.

Physical complaints

The effects of grief don’t stay in the mind—they often show up in the body as well. Teens who are grieving frequently suffer from physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained aches and pains. These physical complaints are real and are the body’s way of signaling something is wrong.

Substance abuse or self-harming behaviors

Some teens dealing with intense grief are tempted to dull the emotional pain through substance use or self-harming. These behaviors must be taken seriously, as they are clear signs that a teen is deeply hurting and desperately needs help finding healthier ways to cope with their grief. If you notice these behaviors in your teens, seek professional help right away.

Sudden behavioral changes

If a teen suddenly starts acting differently, it could be a sign that they’re struggling with grief. Grief can disrupt teens’ sense of who they are and how they fit into the world. As they try to make sense of their loss, they often feel a mix of confusion, anger, sadness, and possibly guilt, all of which can lead to behavioral changes.

For example, a once outgoing teen might withdraw, self-isolating due to loneliness or a belief that no one understands what they’re going through. On the other hand, a typically cautious teen might suddenly start taking risks or acting out to express the chaos they feel inside.

Coping with grief and loss: How to help your teen

Keep regular routines

When teens experience a loss, it can feel like their entire world has been turned upside down. They often long for a sense of normalcy—for things to feel like they did before. That’s why routines that provide structure and predictability are so essential.

Regular mealtimes when the family gathers to enjoy one another’s company or a weekly family game night that happens like clockwork can offer a reassuring sense of continuity during hard times. Such routines show teens that not everything has changed following their loss.

Listen actively

When a teen is grieving, one of the most helpful things you can do is listen without judging, interrupting, or trying to solve their problems. By giving them your undivided attention without saying anything, you show them that their feelings matter.

So be present and show that you care. Cultivate an atmosphere in which your child will feel comfortable talking openly and expressing themselves. Don’t downplay their feelings or tell them to “move on” or “get over it.” Instead, make eye contact, nod to show you’re engaged, and ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share what they’re going through.

Remind your teen that their grief is valid and that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or any other emotion they’re experiencing. By just sitting with them in their pain, you can help them feel supported during one of the hardest times in their life.

Allow your teen to share at their own pace

When teens are dealing with the death of a loved one, they need someone who can just be there without pressuring them to talk. This allows them to feel supported without the stress of having to pretend that everything is okay.

Teens may lack the words to describe how they’re feeling, and that’s okay. Be patient and let them share their thoughts when they’re ready.

This approach builds trust and shows your child they don’t have to rush or force their feelings. When they’re ready to talk, they’ll know you’ll be there, ready to listen without judgment.

Strategies that help teens cope with grief and loss

Physical exercise

Grieving teens might not feel like exercising, but exercise can do wonders for both physical and mental well-being. Physical activity is a natural mood booster because it triggers the release of endorphins, the so-called “feel-good” chemicals.

Regular workouts can also help teens sleep more soundly, which is often challenging when they’re in the depths of grief. When your teen is active during the day, they’re more likely to feel tired at night, making falling and staying asleep easier.

If done with others, exercise can also help teens feel connected and part of a community. A peer group can be a powerful antidote to the loneliness many feel when bereaved.

Creative expression

Because writing is a potent way to release pent-up emotions, it can be incredibly healing for those grieving the death of a beloved relative or friend. Whether your teen prefers the feel of old-fashioned pen on paper or the rhythm of typing on a computer, writing can help them externalize thoughts, making them more manageable.

For teens who are more comfortable wielding a paintbrush than a pen, artistic outlets, such as drawing and sculpting, can help them express feelings that might be too deep or complex to put into words.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a highly effective tool that allows us to sit with pain without becoming overwhelmed. For teens experiencing heart-wrenching loss, it can provide much-needed emotional relief.

Here are the steps for a daily mindfulness exercise:

For a few minutes, close your eyes and concentrate on breathing
Focus on feeling tingling in your hands or an intense sense of vitality in your chest
Simultaneously focus on breathing and these feelings

If an intrusive thought, such as a painful memory of the person who passed away, arises during a mindfulness exercise, tell your child to observe it without getting emotionally invested. With practice, your child should experience such thoughts less often, which naturally engenders peace.

Another effective mindfulness technique is guided imagery, which involves closing your eyes and imagining a place where you feel safe and relaxed—like a serene beach or quiet forest.

Visualizing a calm environment can be particularly soothing for teens who are feeling deeply sad or stressed. It gives their minds a break from their intense emotions, offering a temporary escape to a place where they feel safe and at ease.

Many apps and videos offer guided mindfulness exercises, making it easier for your teen to incorporate mindfulness into their daily routine.

Know when to get your child help

Losing a loved one can be a devastating blow for a teen. A tragedy of this magnitude can make it hard for them to go about daily life or recover a sense of normalcy. However, with the right support, your teen can find a way out of their pain and begin to heal.

In times like these, therapy can be the light that guides a teen out of the darkness. If you are in Idaho or Arizona, Avery’s House offers a safe, private setting where your teen can share thoughts and feelings openly with a supportive and knowledgeable counselor, knowing they won’t be judged.

Working with an experienced adolescent mental health expert who genuinely cares and understands what they’re going through can be a tremendous help for a teen coping with loss. It can also address and resolve serious mental health concerns, including self-harm, anxiety, and depression.

Therapy can give your teen the tools they need to face their grief head-on and find their way forward. With caring counselors and supportive peers by their side, they’ll learn that it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling and that over time, those emotions will become less overwhelming.

Supporting your teen through loss: Final thoughts

If your teen is grieving, one of the best things you can do is simply be there for them. This often means sitting quietly and listening without judgment and without trying to fix anything.

Your love and support can help your teen process and overcome their pain. It likely won’t happen overnight, but with patience and understanding, your teen can make peace with the loss. If you are concerned that your child’s grief is worsening or unduly impacting their daily functioning, however, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.